I love it & I miss your face. I love how you did a reading of the poem which gave it a lot of energy & even more personality though I'm sure it stands on its own as is because the language & the voice is so strong. I really like what you've been working on so far from what I've seen. I only read some of your stuff since your chapbook but this seems quite the leap & just the way you toy with language, voice & imagery exudes a certain confidence beyond what I've seen in you before. I also like just what has been filtering in your poems: for this one it obvious worked well, with the vitamins, the mocha, the fish oil...it has a certain zap of consumer culture modernity to it but then this highly personal correspondence almost between two people which also has this layer of secrecy because it's as if the speaker has inside jokes with who it's addressing which the reader can begin to gleam at the deeper layers of.
I don't know honestly I was very impressed & I love poetry even more when it's read. It'll be tough getting any criticism out of me on this one. I hope anything of what I said was helpful or anything. We should do more live readings if we can. I think it ends up being even stronger.
Also, one question. You refer to Jack in this poem as well? Is that a throughline you're working with? A character you're employing in a lot of your poems? Or maybe I'm confusing something but either way I really like it.
ian: don't worry i wasn't looling for criticism so much as lettin u in on what i was doing.
currently, part of the chapbook im working on contains the adventures of two characters, jack and rhubarb.
about live readings: yeah, this idea definitely turned me on to the possibilities for this blog---i mean it was pretty easy---i just pressed record on my camera. it's also really good for me to see myself look like a fool so i know how to correct myself & later give stunning performances etc. u digg?
2 comments:
I love it & I miss your face. I love how you did a reading of the poem which gave it a lot of energy & even more personality though I'm sure it stands on its own as is because the language & the voice is so strong. I really like what you've been working on so far from what I've seen. I only read some of your stuff since your chapbook but this seems quite the leap & just the way you toy with language, voice & imagery exudes a certain confidence beyond what I've seen in you before. I also like just what has been filtering in your poems: for this one it obvious worked well, with the vitamins, the mocha, the fish oil...it has a certain zap of consumer culture modernity to it but then this highly personal correspondence almost between two people which also has this layer of secrecy because it's as if the speaker has inside jokes with who it's addressing which the reader can begin to gleam at the deeper layers of.
I don't know honestly I was very impressed & I love poetry even more when it's read. It'll be tough getting any criticism out of me on this one. I hope anything of what I said was helpful or anything. We should do more live readings if we can. I think it ends up being even stronger.
Also, one question. You refer to Jack in this poem as well? Is that a throughline you're working with? A character you're employing in a lot of your poems? Or maybe I'm confusing something but either way I really like it.
ian: don't worry i wasn't looling for criticism so much as lettin u in on what i was doing.
currently, part of the chapbook im working on contains the adventures of two characters, jack and rhubarb.
about live readings: yeah, this idea definitely turned me on to the possibilities for this blog---i mean it was pretty easy---i just pressed record on my camera. it's also really good for me to see myself look like a fool so i know how to correct myself & later give stunning performances etc. u digg?
thanks for the thoughts though
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